


Acceptance

by Shea



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Depression, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Heartbreak, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 10:39:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8621302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shea/pseuds/Shea
Summary: Spartos finally finds out who he is, but it doesn't work out for the best.





	

((Losely based off of the song "I hate you, I love you" by Gnash!))

I hate you I love you

I hate that I want you

You want her, you need her

And I'll never be her

He hated this. He hated being in love with his best friend. He hated himself, his sexuality. He wanted to hate him, or hate her. But.. he just couldn't. Would he say so? Yeah, to those that knew. But he knew. He still loved him. He always would.

It took years for him to even realize. He always knew he wasn't really attracted to women, no matter how pretty or nice or funny. Sharrkan, Sinbad, and Pisti all tried several times to set him up with someone and every time he messed it all up. Did he do it on purpose? Not every time. But a few times.. yeah. He felt bad every time, though. But he just couldn't feel anything for them. Then, one day, while speaking about these feelings to Hinahoho, the elder, wiser man said something that shook Spartos down to his core. Because it was just so true.

He was gay. That was it. For a few minutes after that realization, he felt so happy. He knew who he was. He didn't feel like such stranger to himself, and meant he could maybe relax around other people now. Namely, his friends. He could be more.. involved, maybe.

The first person he told? (Besides Hinahoho); Sharrkan. He was his best friend, after all. The person he was closest to besides his brother was him, after all. It was slightly nerve-wracking, though. After all, he wasn't sure how Sharrkan would react to him being gay. As in, attracted to his own gender. Would he assume Spartos also had a crush on him? Would he act disgusted, kick him out, never speak to him again? Spartos' anxieties wouldn't let these questions leave his mind. But Sharrkan didn't do anything like that. No. After the words had left Spartos' mouth, Sharrkan immediately grinned and wrapped him in a hug.

"About time!" He'd said. "I was beginning to think you'd never discover who you are."

Spartos was confused. "You mean.. you already knew?"

"I had a suspicion. You are my best friend, after all."

After that, telling everybody else was easy. He had Sharrkan with him, so it wasn't so bad at all. Except.. for his Father. Then he'd gotten angry, and might've thrown a slight fit. But Mystras had supported him through that part, and Spartos couldn't have been more grateful. They'd decided to leave after that, and move into their own apartment while Spartos finished high school. And the whole deal about Spartos' sexuality was done and over with; he was gay and that was that.

Unfortunately for him, though, it wasn't just that. Not long after that.. he realized he was in love. With Sharrkan. The straightest guy he knew! But he couldn't help it. After all his support, and his efforts to help Spartos through everything; after Spartos' attempts to help him study, and cleaning up his messes after their hardcore parties.. Spartos realized it one day at the library, when he looked up from his book. Sharrkan, sitting across from him, was obviously very frustrated with the algebra he was working on. His brow furrowed, pencil in one hand, the other ruffling his bangs.. Spartos couldn't help but smile. Then Sharrkan looked up at him, and his gaze met that piercing green's, and Spartos could physically feel his heart beat faster. He quickly looked back at his book.

For many days and many sleepless nights after that, Spartos could only wonder what was going on with him. Why would he be in love with his best friend? Someone that, no matter what, would never have any sort of feelings for him, besides friendship?

He decided to go to Pisti about it, which, in hindsight, was probably a bad idea. But at least he was able to rant to her about all this. She grinned, and told him to go with his gut feeling.

His gut feeling said to run away.

He should've listened. But he didn't. He decided to put on a brave face and.. tell him. He supported him when he told him he was gay, after all. Surely he wouldn't treat him too badly if his feelings weren't reciprocated, right?

He never got the words out. Almost as soon as Sharrkan saw him, he immediately started rambling on about these feelings he'd just discovered. His words sounded exactly like what Spartos himself had been experiencing the past few days. He started feeling hope rise up in his chest. Maybe Sharrkan did feel the same way?

"I love her! I can't believe it took me this long to realize!"

Spartos deflated like an old balloon. Her. Of course. How could he have been so stupid? Sharrkan was straight. And his feelings for Yamuraiha should've been transparent to him for years if only.. if only he hadn't been more focused on just his face. He walked home right after that, skipped school and everything. He felt like he might be dying or something; it was suddenly so hard to breathe, and he felt dizzy. It felt like there had been 50 pounds added to his chest, and every time he breathed, another five pounds were added.

He collapsed into bed, and didn't move. Not even when Mystras came home and urged him to eat. He didn't have an appetite for anything. No, all Spartos wanted to do was hug his pillow- the same pillow Sharrkan would borrow whenever he slept over- and cry. And he did. He cried until his throat was sore, and his lips and eyes burned, and until he simply couldn't cry anymore. After that, he slept. He didn't go to school for three days. Not until Mystras got a phone call from the school and more or less persuaded him to go.

He was miserable. All day. In the beginning of the year, he thought it'd be great having all his friends in one class. Now, he wished he didn't have a single one of them. Every time he saw Sharrkan, his heart broke a little more. And every time he saw him look at Yamuraiha, he felt like he might throw up.

He wasn't surprised he liked her. She was pretty, and smart. And basically everything Spartos wasn't, or could ever be. Pisti kept giving him sympathetic looks, meaning she also knew. And it only made it that much worse. He didn't speak a word all day, giving the excuse that he simply felt sick. Which wasn't far from the truth. He did feel sick. Heartsick. It just wasn't fair. Why couldn't he have this one thing for himself? He gave so much in this life for other people, to help them out and make them feel better, so.. didn't he deserve to have this one love? But he knew life didn't work like that, as much as he wish it did.

Putting on the illusion, day after day, that he was okay, was tiring and even more depressing. Some days, he wanted to scream and say how unfair it was, and cry and just yell at Sharrkan, or Yamuraiha, or somebody. Other days, he simply felt too sick to do anything. His grades slipped, he barely passed Algebra, he couldn't focus on anything other than the sound of Sharrkan's voice across the room.

Would he ever get over this? Get over Sharrkan, and this feeling of longing for him? Depression over the fact that he just couldn't? Would it ever just stop? He wanted it to. So badly. So, so badly, he wanted to just get over Sharrkan already and move on. And every time he thought he might be healing, one look at his smile would crush that thought. He was falling. Deeper and deeper. Well, frowning wasn't exactly the word for what he felt..

Drowning. That was it. He was drowning in all this. And he wouldn't be able to save himself at this point. Mystras had noticed it at this point; he noticed it a long time ago. But no matter how many times they talked, how many times they watched movies or played games or did homework together, it didn't help. He loved his brother dearly, and appreciated his help. It just.. wasn't helping.

Maybe getting depressed in high school over a crush was stupid. But he couldn't help it. Even after they all split up for college, he found himself texting and facebooking him all the time. It was a little easier not having to see him face-to-face, since Spartos was going to a special college for musicians in New York. But he still wished to see him and, well, have him. But he couldn't.

He never would.

 


End file.
